At first, aku ingat nonchalant people ni cool.
Tak cepat marah. Tak overreact. Tak suka drama. Selalu nampak tenang.
Aku fikir, "Best juga ada kawan macam ni."
Until one day...
Aku sedar yang being calm and being emotionally unavailable are two completely different things.
Setiap kali aku cerita pasal bad day aku, dia cuma reply,
"Oh."
"Damn."
"It'll be okay."
That's it.
No questions.
No curiosity.
No effort to understand.
Slowly, aku mula overthink.
Am I asking for too much?
Am I too emotional?
Or... am I just not important enough for this person?
The hardest part is...
Nonchalant people rarely realize they're hurting someone.
Sebab bagi mereka, everything is "normal."
Tak reply sehari? Normal.
Tak tanya khabar? Normal.
Tak check in bila kita menghilang? Normal.
But for someone yang betul-betul menghargai friendship...
Those small things mean everything.
Aku mula jadi orang yang selalu initiate conversation.
Aku yang selalu tanya, "How are you?"
Aku yang selalu plan jumpa.
Aku yang selalu keep the friendship alive.
And one day, I stopped.
Guess what happened?
Nothing.
Tak ada mesej.
Tak ada "Eh, lama tak dengar cerita."
Tak ada "Are you okay?"
It was as if... my absence changed nothing.
That hurts.
People always say,
"Dia memang macam tu."
Maybe.
But being "macam tu" doesn't erase how someone else feels.
Kita semua ada different ways of showing love and care.
Tapi effort is universal.
Kalau seseorang sentiasa rasa macam dia seorang je yang fighting for the friendship, lama-lama dia akan penat.
And when that person walks away...
People will probably say,
"Eh, dia dah berubah."
No.
Dia bukan berubah.
Dia cuma penat menjadi satu-satunya orang yang masih peduli.
Here's something I learned.
Not every peaceful person brings peace...
Some people are so detached that everyone around them ends up feeling alone.
Friendship shouldn't make you question your worth every single day.
It shouldn't feel like you're constantly asking for the bare minimum.
The right people won't make you wonder whether you matter.
They'll make it obvious.
Because at the end of the day...
Everyone deserves a friendship where they feel seen, heard, and appreciated.
Not one where they have to keep convincing themselves,
"Maybe this person actually cares... they just don't know how to show it."
Sometimes, that's true.
Sometimes, it isn't.
And knowing the difference can save your heart.
